” She deserves something better and she know she does but I’m never gonna let her, cuz she knows my love (my love for you). You can never find another man, cuz I aint never gonna understand, if it aint me for you. Even though I’m doing wrong girl, you can never move along girl cuz it’s just me for you !” – Trey Songz
My last relationship and only relationship in college was not one to brag about. I met him when I was freshman and he a senior, I wasn’t necessarily smitten with him but he was a cool guy. We ended up meeting each other during finals and we hung out throughout that whole period. Christmas break rolled around and we talked from time to time but I wasn’t impressed by him.
Fall semester of my sophomore year we ended up spending the majority of our time together. His friends (mostly females) didn’t like me for one reason or another.
“She’s only a freshman??” “What does she have that I don’t?” “I thought that you don’t date dark-skinned girls?”
Ignorance at its finest.
I could tell that it was getting to him and his behavior towards me was verbally abusive. I should have seen the signs but this was my first college relationship I was determined to make it work.
We became official after he found out that another dude was in the picture…yeah not a good way to start a relationship but I was in one and that was all that mattered. Summer rolled around and our talks became more argumentative. How could someone I get along with get me so upset to the point that screaming and yelling became normal?
My mother sat me down and told me that this wasn’t healthy but being young I still defended this thing called “us”. I returned back to school to start my junior year and decided that I would fix whatever issues we had. Everything was going great until my trip to Jamaica that summer. As I left to Jamaica for a wedding, he left to Myrtle Beach for a friend’s birthday weekend. Unbeknownst to me, this was a friend that he slept with prior to us being together.
We came back from our respective trips and that’s when things got bad. It started off with phone calls and then her visiting him when I was not around. For 6 months, I was leery of it but every time I confronted him he had an excuse and then he would accuse me of the very same things he was doing. Typical.
I did the one thing that I vowed never to do, check his phone.
One night as he was sleeping, I quietly checked his phone. What was I looking for? Truth? I already knew the truth. Did I just need the proof? I guess so but when I had it what would I do, leave or stay? Too many unanswered questions but all I needed to see were those text messages; once I saw them I could deal with the other part later. Funny how no one really tells you what happens after you open Pandora’s box.
What I saw that night was beyond anything that I previously knew. Hurt, was an understatement. It wasn’t only her, there were many. How could I allow this to happen to me? How could I be so faithful to this person who didn’t even give me the respect to let me go while he did his dirt. No, I wanted him to hurt as bad or worse than I did.
That night was the worst argument that we ever gotten into. The apartment bore the results of a relationship gone bad. I packed my things and vowed to never go back there again. Well that lasted very briefly, I was back there… back at it again, hoping that maybe, maybe this thing we have will work.
How foolish of me…
The last straw was when I visited him, besides talking to me, he held out a full blown conversation with her in my face. When the conversation was getting too personal, he left. Will I sit here and let this person destroy my self-esteem? Never. I locked him out and the worse came out in the both of us. Glass got broken, doors got punched, walls were destroyed and that’s when I knew I had to get out of this toxic relationship… and I did.
As I began to enjoy my new-found freedom senior year, he would constantly tell me how we were meant to be together and how I couldn’t do better than him. To be quite honest, there was a time that I truly believed that. It has now been a couple of years since that relationship and till this day he is constantly pleading that he has changed and wants to give us another chance.
It took a year by myself to trust my judgements and to know that cheating would NOT be tolerated. I deserve honesty and trust just like any other person and he could not give me those basic essentials of a relationship, so he had to go.