His ‘Lust’ Was Addicting….

“Damn ain’t it crazy when you love swept you would do anything for the one you love, ’cause anytime that you needed me I’d be there it’s like you were my favorite drug. You see the only problem is that you were using me in a different way that I was using you.”- Rihanna (Rehab)

There was this guy who I will nickname ‘Charm’, the name is very fitting for this man. You see, that was his way of capturing my attention…his charm was undeniable. We met when I was freshman in 2006 but we didn’t officially ‘date’ and I use that term very loosely until 2010.

I liked one of his friends (who is now a mutual friend of mine) but he wasn’t as outspoken or forward as ‘Charm’ was and I fell for the one who intrigued my mind and my other senses. We started off really slow, just hanging out with mutual friends but we progressed rather quickly since time wasn’t on my side. I was heading back to school to finish my undergrad program and I had only 3 weeks left for my summer break. Even though we lived an hour and some change away, he drove almost everyday to see me. There was no begging or coercion on my side and with that he had me hooked.

He fit all my criteria that I liked. He was 6’3, chocolate, handsome, fit, fun, adventurous, charming and got along with my mom. Not only would he come and visit me but he would entertain my mom and make her feel included whenever he came around. I appreciated that but there were some red flags that my mom saw that I didn’t.

I couldn’t understand why this guy was single, but leave it to my mother to see it before I did. It was my own fault not to heed the warning of my mother but I knew something she didn’t…or so I thought.

Let’s just say that everything my mom saw….I FINALLY saw 9 months later. He was not only a liar but he was so convincing in his ways. He could make me believe that the sky was purple and going against my own knowledge I would believe him. If it weren’t for my closest friend confirming my suspicion, this saga may have continued to who knows when. Many countless nights of worrying, endless BBM conversations that lead down another dim path, I realized that I was intoxicated with a concept.

I had the perfect guy aesthetically but he lacked something that is more important than all he had to offer. He lacked morals….values. 

Sigh.

He was a guy that I had fun with, could be myself around….well, in private. You see, when we stepped out in public together minus our mutual friends there was a DRAMATIC shift. There was one instant that we went to a Christmas Party together and instead of taking me home we decided to go to a club. The whole time we were there, he totally disregarded that I came with him and fraternized with every one else. It wasn’t until my friend and her boyfriend came along and started dancing that he payed me any attention. SMH.

It took a lot more instances on both of our parts for me to finally call it quits. I can’t say that I was completely innocent in all of this because the 6 out of the 9 months I was dating someone else. WHOOPS!

I ended up breaking things off with both guys and it was for the best.

“And I’ll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you. Don’t even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you? It’s gonna take a miracle to bring me back and you’re the one to blame.” – Rihanna (Rehab)

Have you ever been addicted to someone?

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4 thoughts on “His ‘Lust’ Was Addicting….

  1. Yes. Addicted for all the wrong reasons. We were from two TOTALLY different worlds. Morals didn’t line up AT ALL. Just complete opposites yet, I was intrigued by the mystery of it all. Forbidden territory that scared me and enticed me all the same.

    At times, I want to say that I regret traveling down that road but other days, I look at it as a learning experience. Despite the way they made me feel when we weren’t all cuddled up with each other, I allowed myself to stay around. Being accused for things they were doing…all signs of insecurity…and I allowed myself to become a punk.

    Now, that I have separated myself from that person, I have turned to an asshole towards them. And I must admit, it feels great watching them suffer (is that wrong?), realizing the unnecessary BS they put me through for those few months of my life.

  2. Nope, I know EXACTLY how you feel/felt. I was so intrigued with him that I was ready to do almost anything. I was caught up in the ‘high’ that I felt when he was around and when it was just ‘us’.

    When the rose-tinted glasses broke, I saw him for what he truly was and I was glad that I had my awakening. I was a complete asshole to him initially. How I broke things off with him weren’t the most mature but I didn’t want him to sweet talk me into changing my decision. Now that time has passed by, I think I can act cordial around him but we will see.

  3. I agree with Erica. Beating my addiction was absolutely a learning experience. I met HIM when I came back home from my first semester at college. I was making a purchase at the store where he worked and he helped me take it out to my car.

    We were total opposites. He was from Brooklyn, barely completed his GED, was 26 and working a hourly position at a chain retailer, lived at home with his momma, 2 sisters, brother-in-law, 2 nieces, nephew and a dog. As I write this, I am truly thinking “da hell was I thinking?”

    I, on the other hand, was 18, just started at a college and was from the burbs. I guess I was attracted to his street-smart/hood/b-boy swag and he was intrigued by my J.Crew cashmere and pearls. There was just something about him, though, that I couldn’t shake and I spent every minute of my breaks in his tiny bedroom in BK.

    After, I graduated from college and moved back to the area we kept US going. But I couldn’t help but notice that the calls would die off after a certain hour, “work” became more and more “busy”. Because he was retarded I was able to tap into his v-mail and discovered the other women that he was dealing with. At that time I was heartbroken. Spent my night crying my eyes out but then I woke up and snapped out of the trance. I know it’s not the Christian thing to be overly confident or conceited but I was way too good for that fool. I changed my phone number and dropped him, cold turkey.

    He still tries to come around: despite a new baby and a baby momma, who I believe he now lives with. SMH.

    I should’ve known he was retarded by his pet iguana. Who da hell over the age of 9 has a pet iguana???

  4. Lmao @ pet iguana. Yes, there are times where we are blinded by everything else, than the things we really need to be paying attention too.

    They will always come around especially when they know they messed up and there is nothing wrong with having confidence in yourself. Yup, J. Crew cashmere/pearls and all!

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