What Are Your Deal Breakers?

This week has been rather interesting but nothing has been more frustrating than my beloved team, the Patriots, losing  the Superbowl to the worst team NY Giants.

But that was nothing compared to the news I received…

A friend of mine called me to seek advice regarding this guy she has been seeing. I have heard quite a few things about this guy and to me all seemed well…until that call.

Sounding panicked and confused, I was shocked to hear my friend in such a frantic and distressed state. What could have happened, I wondered…please don’t tell me that he cheated, that would have been crazy but it was nothing compared to what she told me.

You see, she has been this dating this guy who has made her happy and brought back the “faith” she once had in relationships. Though they have not been dating long, everything has been going right… or so she thought.

After tip toeing around the subject, the talk of sex surfaced and she stood her ground. Deciding that unless they were in a monogamous and exclusive relationship  he could forget about it…surprisingly, he was game.Well one night after a heavy and innocent make out session,  he decided to drop a bomb on her that would completely shift that night and the tone of their courtship.

Him: “Ughhh I have something to tell you… the girl that I was dealing with before you had an abnormal pap smear”...

Her: “Wait, what the…”

Him: “Nothing, don’t worry about it….

Her: No, you can’t bring this up now and just drop it.

Him: Well, the girl that I was dealing with has genital warts…..”

Her: Whoa!! What the….wait, are you trying to tell me that you have…….genital warts?

Him:…..Yea. I don’t have them now. I contracted it two years ago, it has been treated and I have not had other symptoms since then. I really like you and I care about you, I wanted to tell you this before it went any further.

Her: Wow….I don’t know what to say.

After what seemed like 5 minutes I finally mustered a “damn”. What do you say to that? How do you respond while being respectful to your friend and the situation? I was completely shocked. Here is my friend falling for a great guy and bomb shell…he has a STI.

Unfamiliar of the STI (Sexually Transmitted Infection) genital warts, my friend and I decided to do research. However, I couldn’t help but to think about myself. Have I ever liked someone who was hiding such a thing? Would they have the courage to let me know or would I be left in the dark?

Many of us who date, don’t think about our dating/sexual partners health as seriously as we should. When was the last time you saw your partners health records? How were you sure that they were clean? I haven’t seen the guy, but my friend who was dating me had no clue that this good looking, educated, successful man was harboring a disease that antibiotics could not cure.

Time went by and this still weighed heavily on my mind. If that was me would this be a deal breaker? Would I continue to date the guy and make sure that I have all the information needed to make a proper decision? Honestly, I don’t now. That is a hard position to be in…especially for both parties.

Because of his circumstance, any person he decides to let in his heart and his bed will have to deal with a heavy decision on whether or not intimacy can happen. Yes, there are preventive measure for women such as : HPV (Human Papillomavirus ) shots and condoms but neither of these things are a 100% bulletproof that you won’t contract the infection.

Wow…what a predicament.

When we think about deal breakers we think about lying, cheating, skin tone, height, weight, etc. but have we added sexual history to that part of the list, or is that one we clearly try to avoid?

Let’s be honest, it is much easier to sleep with someone and ask questions later than to get test results. Not the safest or wisest decision but these things happen. If we can adapt a personal rule that was once in place before regarding our sexual health things would be better…easier.

But the question still arises…what should my friend do?  I never gave her a solid answer. I told her that whatever she does I will support her but I wasn’t satisfied with that. Only she knows what will happen and I wish her the best.

What are your deal breakers? Does someone’s sexual health factor in or do you assume everything is OK? What would you do if you were in her position? Have you tested your partner before engaging in sexual acts?

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