…Oohh give me that good thang, than after we are finished, you go your way, i go my way…. And now I’m telling you lies all because I hate to see the tears in your eyes, of course I want my cake and needed it to, I’m a guy. And of course you don’t understand but you would if you thought like a man!– Jennifer Hudson ft Neyo & Rick Ross “Think Like A Man”
Sadly, some guys think like this.
I remember when Steve Harvey book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man” came out, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it. It was definitely my guilty pleasure and it had some interesting advice in there. There was a time when that book was my go to manual on how to date and “think like a man”. Well, lets just say that didn’t last long and now that book is somewhere collecting dust.
Recently this weekend, I stumbled across the trailer Think Like a Man, (starring Gabrielle Union, Michael Ealy, Megan Good, Taraji P. Henson, Kevin Hart and many more) which is adapted from Steve Harvey’s book. Debating on whether I would see it or not I couldn’t help but to think the many nights I spent analyzing, over analyzing a situation. How many you ask? Too many freaking times! I remember thinking, if I could just adapt the mentality of a guy I would be way better off. I would just become an emotionless zombie who took pleasure in taking advantage of other people’s emotions. Yup, that oughta do it!
But I didn’t learn that way.
I was fortunate to have a gang of male friends who were there to give me advice and a fresh perspective on things. While I love asking my female friends for advice, I found myself running into walls. It wasn’t there fault, but most of them were going through the same thing I was and it literally became the blind leading the blind. Not a good look.
If I could just figure a guy out and what we were doing, I was going to be happier; I desperately wanted to know what a guy was thinking. I began to mirror the behavior of the guy that I would date. If he was ambigious, so was I. If he was emotionally void, so was I. If he was selfish, conniving, manipulating, deceiving, etc….well, so was I. Thinking about it now, I laugh because it was getting me NOWHERE.
It’s funny how people are either discussing relationships, trying to be in one, getting their way out of one or taking steps in that direction. WE ALL WANT LOVE. There I said it… yes, even for those guys out there who swear that they don’t need it. Stop the BS…you do!
Being in D.C., has taught me some things about myself. I still have ways to go and at times it could be frustrating but I’m not supposed to learn everything in one day. Life would be boring that way, however, I have been placed in situations and met people that have showed me things that I do and don’t want when it comes time for me to be in a relationship.
Some people think I am anti-relationship, actually I am all for it. I do like seeing couples out in about, especially here in D.C. and sometimes it gets me thinking. Personally, I am hesitant to make a commitment to someone if I truly feel that I can’t stand to be around them for more than 3 months. Just being honest. My roomie gave me great advice that someone shared with her; she told me that the day I know that I want to be in a relationship with a guy, is the day that I don’t want to date anyone else but him.
That’s been stuck in my head for weeks now. I decided to talk to some of my male friends and see what they thought of that comment. Hearing them discuss relationships, women, sex, etc. put a lot of things in perspective for me. Sometimes as women, we are afraid to take steps to not tip the scales and rarely do we tell how we feel, but of course you won’t see that in many books. The “power” of a relationship is held in the hands of the one who is controlling the dates,the contact, the attention, even intimacy. When I realized that, I didn’t need to think like a man, or whatever that means. I just needed to think wisely.
I understood what Steve Harvey was saying and to sum it up, it all comes down to “power”. Whoever has that in the relationship can usually steer that relationship anyway they like. If you decide to be a passenger in your relationship and let the guy dictate when you can see each other, where you go, etc., don’t be surprised when things are not moving the way you like. It takes some time to get use too but being vocal and active in your relationhip and even in the early stages of dating goes a long way.
So ladies, you don’t have to think like a man you just have to think wisely!