It Gets Hard Sometimes….

Young girl don’t cry, I’ll be right here when your world starts to fall. Young girl ‘alright, your tears will dry, you’ll soon be free to fly…. When there’s no one else, look inside yourself. Like your oldest friend, just trust the voice within. Then you’ll find the strength that will guide your way. You will learn to begin to trust the voice within.– Christina Aguilera

Who says it’s easy starting out on your own?

Moving to D.C. has been a learning experience. Man, sometimes I wonder why I’m here. I have been through so much that I don’t even know where to begin. It gets so frustrating and at times I want to just give up and go somewhere….anywhere. Every time I feel like I’m walking on solid ground, some event comes up and sweeps me off my feet.

It’s hard enough not having close family but with my close friends in various cities it has been extremely difficult.  Thank God for my bestie and my mom, I swear they are the two that keep me sane and more importantly…they’re consistent. When my friends do come into tow, I LIVE for those days. Those short days are filled with laughs, drinks and long nights of just being up for no reason. Secretly, I wish they all lived here so that these stolen moments would become permanent.

Wishful thinking x 1o.

There are some friends who I don’t get a chance to see as often as I would like, but any chance that I get, I’m all for it.

D.C. has a lot to offer me and I know that. Every setback that has happened just keeps me pushing and wanting more. I feel like I’m in the Hunger Games, it’s a battle out here. With a competetive market and the fear of people losing their jobs, some people are willing to stab you in the back if it means keeping their job.

Sigh.

I find myself  constantly covering my tracks, out performing, out smiling, out everything. If I have to stay late I’ll do it; I don’t want to but with people out for blood umm yeah, it’s mandatory. Best advice given to me in my early career is to stay away from office politics.  I have taken that and ran with it, literally. Working while black is real. I have been the only black person in my department sometimes in the whole company period.  Unbelievable right? Wrong. This is my life. I chose this career. I see more people who look like me, welcoming me in rather than working side by side. In this tough economy, I can’t knock anyone’s hustle with finding a way to support themselves or their family.

However, I can’t complain. Some people don’t even have the opportunity to complain so I take NOTHING for granted but sometimes I wish everything could just go right. I wish my days are filled with great co-workers and my nights are filled with fun-filled events with friends. But nothing and no one is perfect.  Everything takes adjusting too and it  with time I know it will. I have filtered through the interesting, the seedy, the needy, the jokesters, the jerks and everything in between. The one constant thing that has remained here in D.C. is myself.

“Women who don’t take risk don’t make history”.- Anonymous 

 

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