Sex Aint Better Than Love

We pulled up to your crib and you walked in. Said you’d only be a minute but it’s been ten. Your motioning for me to come in, you lit the candles expecting red light special. I know just what you’re thinking you want me. But I’m two seconds from telling you I wanna leave, you put your arms around my, my body. And I don’t know what to do…”- Cherish

There he is staring at you…you can feel it creeping down your legs, you are unsure of how to handle it. You bite your lips unaware of his eyes gazing at you. You excuse yourself to the restroom as you finally exhale.  “How does he do it?”, you ask yourself as you try to regain composure. With one touch he has you wanting him…your body is saying yes but your mind is saying no. What a predicament to be in!

It can be quite confusing and as your mind begins to create scenarios that may favor you, you are still stuck with the decision of taking it to the next level. Confusion may be the first emotion followed closely by horniness. It is natural to want to explore your feelings with someone that you are physically and sexually attracted to. Yet, where many may get confused is the emotions that one may have when the act is over.

We go together now…I mean we just had sex. Are you going to change our relationship status on Facebook ?”

 Ladies, ladies, ladies….sex with a guy will not establish a relationship. There are other determining factors that come into play. Do you guys have mutual interest and values? Does he respect you and treat you accordingly? Is he emotionally available and not only telling you but showing you that he is interested for something monogamous and exclusive?

If the answer is a mixed review than yeah I would hold off on having sex if you think that would lead into a relationship. Now is there anything wrong if you want to be intimate with someone? Of course not, but if you think that spreading your legs will get you that emotional connection that will migrate to love you are clearly in la la land.

One of my male friends told me that after a man climaxes is when he is the most honest and thinks clearly.  That makes A LOT sense. Could you imagine laying with a guy who was more interested in sleeping with you and once he ummm…releases he’s looking at you in a whole new light that doesn’t benefit you at all… awkward!

Trey Songz came out with a song two months ago called Sex Aint Better than Love.

I been out here in these streets and I done learned, every girl that I gave my loving to was only a substitute, I’ve been out here in these streets I done learned even though she’s in my arms this aint where my heart belongs. Sex in the air, no loving here…soon as I get through, I’m out of here!
 

The society that we live in now is all about instant gratification. Everyone has moved away from wanting to be in a serious, committed relationship everyone is either: playing the field, sleeping with multiple partners or faking that they are  OK with going with the flow. With television  shows, songs, movies and books that are validating giving into your physical and sexual urges people are no longer putting focus on finding someone who makes you feel good emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually.

Ughh….so frustrating.

When I go out and get hit on or meet guys who approach me and talk to me, I understand that they see the physical first before I open my mouth. Do I lead on my physical assets that they find alluring whether it’s my eyes, my lips or some other feature they stare at. NO.

Do I find some of these guys attractive, of course, but I know that they have more to offer me than a great body, piercing eyes or a killer smile. I look forward to someone who can make me think, someone who pushes me outside of  my box and my comfort zone (in a positive way), someone I can easily converse with.  Do I think that casually sleeping with a guy like this will automatically upgrade what we are doing into a serious, exclusive relationship errr…no.

So what am I saying ladies (and gents)? Do what’s right for YOU and be safe with it. Safe guard your heart because it is your most prized possession. If your dating a guy that your highly attracted to and like, there should be no rush with getting to know each other. You should never feel pressured to do something that your not sure about; plus, if he’s  pressuring you than that shows where his interest lay.

If sex is the route that you want to go down than by all means do it and wrap up. Nothing worse than sleeping with a guy you hardly know and winding up pregnant or infected with a STI.

Realize that sex does not lead to a relationship and if that is the path you are heading towards, I’ll advise you to stop.

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