Damn, He Cheated…..and It Hurts!

I could hear that she had been crying, her wavering voice trying to muster the strength to tell me that this time was the last time; her boyfriend of three years finally fessed up to his infidelity.

*Sigh*

Love has no fear, please take down your walls
I’ll be right here, please break down your walls

What could I tell her to soften the blow? How could I tell her that what she was feeling is only temporary and that the pain would ease and she would find someone who would respect and love her? How does that work when I know that pain, shame and fear? What could I say to keep her strong?

My love is strong, but it’s weary from the climb. Why can’t you help me? Can’t you help me please break down your walls? Can you please? Cause I’m holding on, But my spirit gets weary…

All she wanted was this pain and anger to go away. After telling me what happened and how she found out, I couldn’t stop hearing Melanie Fiona’s 4 AM song play in my head.

Sitting here feeling kinda crazy
But not just any crazy
It’s the kind you feel when you love somebody
And I know that my baby
Is calling somebody else baby
And I can’t sit still
Look how gone it got me
Who knew that my heart could ever bruise
You see this scar here on my chest
I’m hurting and he don’t even care

Cheating sucks…there is no deep s-it that I can write to discuss what you feel emotionally. If you are care about pop culture than you’ve been swarmed with the whole Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson fiasco. Here is the short version, they both met on the set of Twighlight playing each other love interest…chemistry formed and wahla you got yourself a relationship. Well their three-year relationship which seemed to be pretty solid, was rocked by infidelity roughly three weeks ago when Us Weekly released compromising photos of Stewart with her married Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders.

What is more interesting about this whole saga is that Robert has reportedly asked Kristen to move out of the house they once shared and they are currently  having a custody battle over their dog. After publicly apologizing, I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for Rob. Not only was she cheating for MONTHS but an hour before getting her spot blown up, she confesses. SMH.

Heartless…

Let me tell you that the effects of someone cheating on you can really mess with your self-esteem. Unfortunately, I learned first hand. When I was in college you can say that I was ‘blinded’ by love or maybe the idea of love. I was a freshman and my ex was a senior when we started talking, it wasn’t until fall semester of my sophomore year that we made it official.

Things were going well until we both took our individual summer trips. I went to Jamaica and he went to Myrtle Beach for a friend’s birthday weekend,  from there everything went downhill.  Jamaica was beautiful and I had enjoyed my trip and the wedding that I attended there….however, for my ex, he came back with  budding relationship with this ‘friend’. Unsure of the nature of their friendship, I used to joke at how quickly they had become close friends, unbeknownst to me that I would soon be replaced by someone who was determined to have what I had.

Time exposes what interrogation cannot…

Let’s just say that my suspicions were confirmed in more ways than one. I was crushed. The majority of my college years were spent on this person that disrespected me and wasted my time.

Must be sick
Of tellin’ your friends
That life’s alright
You’ll wanna change
That shit one day
Oh
When you been in the kitchen
And you fix him a dinner
You wanna go talk to him
But he doesn’t listen
When he’s played
Enough games
And you played your position
He’ll tell you to stay
But you’ll wanna go
I know…cuz I’ve been that girl…never again, NEVER AGAIN.- Melanie Fiona I’ve Been That Girl

My relationship had consumed me mentally, emotionally and worse… physically. I had gained so much weight that this once athletic girl was unrecognizable to me, family and closest friends.  My grades had suffer  junior year and I had slowly alienated most of my friends and my social life. I was miserable and I had myself to blame.

There were moments that self-doubt crept up but I knew that ending the relationship was the best gift that I could give myself in almost 2.5 years since we first became “us”. Once I dropped him, the weight literally dropped off. My senior year I was on the dean’s list that whole year and I graduated with my BA in Communications (Journalism) with a minor in English! Time flew by and after a year of hiatus and time allotted to myself, I was ready to test the waters.

Despite everything that I went through, I learned some valuable lessons. I had to relearn myself and my thought process; I was building a foundation that would not falter or shake when I came across certain people, actions or behaviors. It took a while to get to that point and there were days that I wanted to give my ex a second chance but I remembered everything that I went through and I vigorously rejected that idea.

My friend is not there yet and it would take some time for her. I used to be that girl so I understand what it’s like. Frustrating that we live in generation that is all about self. Drake said it best….

We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together
But we sure make it feel like we’re together
Cause we’re scared to see each other with somebody else

 

 

 

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2 thoughts on “Damn, He Cheated…..and It Hurts!

  1. crushing, such a feeling for me a few months back. emotional infidelity is cruel, finding out lies when we chance upon messages in social media – piercing. as they say, time heals. its really about getting out self-esteem back and give our hearts more beautifully to another person 🙂

  2. I definitely understand the feeling. It takes time to get over something like that and at times it doesn\’t make sense. I do believe that things happen for a reason, whether we understand or not; but it does makes us stronger and value relationships that have foundations of honesty and loyalty. Thanks for commenting!

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