My Thoughts on Random S#it I’ve Seen All Weekend

I know I haven’t been pretty active this week with blogging  (sorry!) but as you guys may or may not know, I’m always busy with some aspect of my life.  For the past three weekends, I’ve had family visit me and I had so much fun but I was completely drained. My body was screaming for me to sleep and rest but unfortunately I didn’t listen. So what happens when you have a hard head and a soft butt? You get sick. Smh.  I’m feeling a lot better and I actually had time this weekend to go out and have some fun.

YAY!!

My weekend started with some great food and drinks…lots of drinks! LOL. I went to happy hour with a girl friend of mine, after running around trying to get my bridesmaid dress I was happy to hang out and catch up on some girl talk. The first thing that I noticed was a black guy with his white girlfriend…nothing out of the ordinary with that but the level of PDA that I saw left me perplexed.Why? Because, I hardly see black-on-black couples showing that much PDA, hell, if any at all. I tapped my girlfriend and before I knew it she was already vocalizing her frustration.

That’s that s-hit I’m talking about Jen.

Ummm..yeah. That’s crazy, I don’t really see much of that when their with us, do you or am I bugging?

Nope. Some times they just want to dap it up and a small hug and keep it moving.

LMAO…..too true!

Hmm…I tried to think back to the time when I was either dating a black guy or was in a relationship with one and I don’t recall showing some form of PDA towards each other. The most that was ever displayed was sitting next to each other when going out to eat with friends or family or a hug or two. I remember wanting to hold my boyfriends hand and after a couple of seconds, he was ready to release it as if it was some sort of contraption that he hated. Witnessing that didn’t sit well with me and maybe I had dated the wrong people, but the level of affection that this guy was displaying was just out of the norms for my friend and I.

So the real question boils down to-was it because she was white??

My honest answer would be….YES.

Since, I’ve moved to D.C. I have been seeing an influx of black men -white( women)  relationships/pairings…whatever you want to call it. I am not going to sit here and be a hypocrite because I have had my fair share of “swirling”….actually I’m currently doing that right now. I get questioned a lot on why I’m only dating one particular race of people or I get approached more by white/asian guys than black and I say because I’m not strung on color. I don’t intentionally go out and say, “tonight is the night I’m going to go out and get a __________ (insert race of choosing) man.” No. I go out and enjoy myself, if my behavior so happens to attract a man that happens to be non-black than so be it.

So than what is the problem?

Not necessarily, a problem just an observation I have noticed. To not come of as bias or mean-spirited, I decided to have a discussion with a male friend of mine.

Quick question D. I’ve been seeing a lot of black guys with white women and the behavior and actions that they do with white women they hardly if ever do they do with black girls. What’s up with that?

Jen….some black men will go out of their norm and treat these white women different because their foundation of how they should be treated (dating wise) has already been established by white guys. White and Asian guys are their competition…a white girl is not going to take “come back to my crib and chill” when she’s used to being wined and dined. Period.

Soo….black girls shouldn’t expect that with the black guys their dating?

No, they should…it’s just not a requirement.

Damn…wtf?

Just saying it how I see it, sis.

Say what?

Some black men will date some of the most unattractive/uneducated white women just to satisfy his media driven “need” to be with a white girl. White men on the other hand don’t date just any black woman, they usually want a woman of a certain class, size, and education level. Many may not want to hear that but its true, I’ve learned that from working with a lot of successful men of other races and going out with a few.- Anonymous 

Before you call me all some types of names think about it, or better yet, let me explain….ish.

I went on a date with this white guy a while back. He was in his late 20’s, established and a decent looking guy. I wasn’t fully attracted to him but he had a great personality and I enjoyed talking with him. The discussion about race and dating came up and he told me that he has seen some of the most plain Janes’ with black men. He went as far as to say that it’s funny how black guys will be at a club/bar/lounge and their sole focus is to “pull” a white girl for the night and that most of the time she doesn’t even look good.

While looks are subjective, I have witnessed that observation a couple of times. I went to a networking happy hour with a friend of mine recently and it was a mixed crowd (which I love).  Low and behold, most of the black guys were mingling or were highly ‘thirsty’ to talk to women of other races besides their own.  Was I slightly dismayed by this, yes, but one or a few monkeys (no pun intended) doesn’t stop MY show. So what did I do? I straightened up, sauntered to the bar, ordered a drink and began to work the room. I caught the eye of this guy (who just happened to be white) and he approached me. The rest of the event and night ended up with great food and drinks. However, that didn’t go well for some of the brothas there.

Hating Hypocrisy at it’s finest. SMH.

A couple of them started to loom in the area and all of sudden, I was the most “prized” person there as if my stock went up because I was engaging with a man, a white man at that.
I honestly believe that there is a self-hatred in the Black race that needs to be dealt with, but that is another topic for another day.  Now is every black male that engages in a relationship with a white women doing so because they need to fill some sort of acceptance or fill their curiosity, not too sure. I can’t speak for the entire race and I can’t speak from the male perspective but I can share my own opinions and observations. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that black men don’t show their significant other PDA but the level that I’ve witnessed here in the DC Metro area when it comes to non-black women is something that I’m not used too.

A fellow blogger of mine wrote an interesting post…I’m still trying to come up with a good response to it and so far nill. Interesting perspective…interesting to see what you guys think about mine and his views.

I’ll let Chris Rock finish this post so eloquently….

Thoughts?

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4 thoughts on “My Thoughts on Random S#it I’ve Seen All Weekend

  1. I understand the issue you present, but its not allways the case. I feel that the class and background of these black men come into play when picking up women of other races. Alot of college educated men that I see in interracial relationships that pick up “plain janes” of other races are “ordinary joe’s” themselves. Women of other races have told me that these black men never feel accepted by their own race, that they grew up amongst white people, so plain jane is good enough for them. In addition to that, when you are raised around a culture where PDA is acceptable then PDA will be shown, and thus a black man raised in a white environment dating a white female. Its difficult to try to understand why someone would date someone of the opposite race. I have dated interracially before and normally its attraction and the fact that that person is willing to accept me for me, with all my intelligence and without the hypermasucline bravado that black man have to deal with when around his own people. I also never dated a plain jane of another race. My family would look at me crazy for bringing a normal nancy home when I know so many cutie keishas. If you see a situation like that next time ask yourself if you would date him? Most black women I know are never attracted to the black men that date white woment that I see. The consider them to soft. A sad thought. The check out his mannerisms. Is he flaunting her like a prize or holding her like a human. If she is a prize to him, you shouldn’t want him anyways.

    When it comes to if a black man expects more from a white woman, I think it should be around. What does a black woman expect from a black man? I have known so many black women, close to me and far away that chase after the media/history created image of a black man. They want him hard as steel, but also controllable. One girl once told me she wanted a church/thug and the other told me she wanted an educated/thug. Lots of oxymorons coming from these black women. These same women then got mad when they saw an educated. well spoken black male dating a white woman. The same dude she was not looking for. Some black women fall for the same destructive masochistic uneducated black male over and over again under the pretense that their are no good black men out there. However anything other that that type of man is corny or lacks swag. I’m not saying this is all black females but alot of them that I have spoken to. I tell these women, you wanted the football player instead of the physicist, the dealer instead of the doctor. You were raised to be so blind that the right dudes passed you by. I like to challenge both men and women on what it is to be a man. If some women opened their eyes the man they never wanted might be the man of their dreams, but they have to catch him before he moves on to someone who actually likes what he has to offer.

    1. Hmm interesting points. I have seen some good looking black males who are with plain Janes’ and it’s baffling especially when they are the type of men that Black women are looking for in terms of educated, good looking and maybe financially stable. The white guys that I see dating black/African/Caribbean women, including myself, are nowhere close to plain. I’ve recently went to a lounge where I was with my room mate and her friend who are non-black and the black guys flocked to us…not for me but for them.

      I was shocked at that but deep down inside when my roomie and her friend ignored them I couldn’t help but laugh. Nothing like dissing your own only to get dissed back.

      Yes, there are oxymoron’s of what women want, period. Despite race, women are looking for this balance….they want a bad guy (charming, attractive, adventurous, etc) but they want the good guy traits (committed, loyal, honest, etc.) as well. Confusing, I know.

      So what is the solution? I don’t have. I just want people to understand why they do the things they do. If you are alienating a group of people or doing things out of the ordinary to you to please someone else than you need to reevaluate some things. Just my opinion.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!!

  2. …. interesting write-up, truth, and candid in many ways. The issues you have raised are not new.

    The thinking that men of colour look to fulfill their ‘desires’ by engaging a white lady with such level of display of emotions et al that is alarming as you have noted here, goes back to colonialism some have argued.

    I however believe that for those who engage in it, it is fair to think that they are quick to accept and want to live up to ‘her’ expectations at any cost, most often to the detriment of ‘how’ they might prefer to display affections. It is however mutual for the white ladies also, they certainly long to satisfy the ‘beast’ in the coloured fellow in some other ways … the attitude especially of the guys I agree is worrisome and despicable in some ways. Ofcourse there are always EXCEPTIONS and for those, we must recognize and respect thats who they are in truth.

    Not sure it will change soon with the far from reality images of perfect shapes of ‘the beauty of the white lady’ from the media … my dear coloured ladies will always be the best …

    1. Nothing wrong with wanting and showing affection because your heart is in it. However, you are behaving in manners that you weren’t doing before or to a particular race before than you need to assess the reasoning behind it.

      I noticed that White guys tend to be more affectionate (whether genuine or not) than their black counterparts. Whether it’s date one, two or 12, I was told through actions that I was liked, desired, etc. On the other hand, when I dated black guys whether it was for a short or extended part of time they still wanted to come across as they were still “looking”, like they weren’t committed. Now, maybe that is my own experience so I shouldn’t generalize BUT what I have noticed is that the behavior patterns our definitely different.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!!

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